Update: Police Reconnect or Dis May

Update on the mimba (preggers) rumor: while sitting in the market drinking tea at the WRONg tea room - the men's place - my sitemate A. let slip that she's been so excited about her sisters' giving birth anytime now that she's been telling everyone, "My sister is having a baby!" But she didn't use her sis' name so the obvious conclusion for any Malawian who's seen us together or heard me call A. my abale, or relative, is that I'm that pregnant sister. Why on earth would anyone here stop to imagine that we have families at home in America? And as to the mystery of who the father must be, that answer is an obvious jump to conclusiont too; even when I lived down the road in the duplex I shared witha police officer C, a single and friendly divorcee with a satellite TV, people were always trying to interpret "I live at the house near C." to mean "I sleep at his place," very often to my face. Now that they have another 'link' it's a sordid free for all. after realizing that, it was time to spread counter rumors - we like to call it our anti-gossip squad. Has a nice ring, no?

I stopped to chat with C. after work the other day just to make sure that we were on the same page with all the rumors flying around, and he was incredibly cool about it. I tend to get cnosumed with worry over what people are saying because I'm hyperaware that image is everything here, and he knows that about me from the few months we chatted as neighbors. He assured me that those rumors don't hold much sway as long as you hold your tnogue so you don't give them the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you. If that means sometimes walking as if you had blinders on so as to just go on with your normal life, so be it. That gossip can be just a result of idleness but those of us who are gainfully employed (few as we are) and engaged in productive activities have no use for it. I'm glad things are cool b/t us and also just that I had the idea to approach him about it. He's a really cool guy in many ways - except that he kicked out my best friend Pati, his sister - and I missed chatting with him, so it was good to get back to that.

I have never heard him backbiting (talkin smack) in the same malicious way and he knew another Western volunteer, a girl who came to serve with VSO who was from England, so he is all around more accepting of me. That's really a big thing here - I find that I seek out those people and am just more comfortable around them. On another level, I would love to feel the same warmth from other Malawians - my neighbors, the kids at school- but now that I know the smiling friendliness they show at first is just an act, talking to them can sometimes be inviting myself to disgust and disillusionment. These feelings are probably just a natural part of cultural adjustment and coming to a realistic view of the society from an outsiders' continually evolving perspective. The continuing emotional impact on me is a surprise, but it also exlpaisn the detachment I've seen in other PCVs who don't delight in their bonds with Malawians, to be vague & oblique about it. Those vols have shown mistrust, arrogance, even nihilism about the value of their work and even of development work as a whole. But easy as it could be to go that way, I would like to remember my time here as being for the good Malawians who are going their own way toward a better society. I will think on my work with them adn know it has more value than time spent with others who only treat me kindly because they see me as "aDonor," miss moneybags, to be plied to hand out dollars to fund some selfish, short-term desire or other.